So today I could talk about our Thursday field trip, which by the way, turned out great! But rather, I believe that I will save that topic for when I have some pictures to accompany the story, and instead I will talk about how to be nice to people you really don't like and to just be more positive in general.
That is a real challenge, isn't it?
I know some people who are not the greatest. Grumpy, negative, don't have the same standards that I believe in, or maybe they are even unscrupulous. I try as hard as I can to be nice to them when I deal with them. Some days I am more successful, sometimes less... it kind of depends on whether I am at my best or just the average version of me. I try not to demand perfection in this area of myself, but I do try as hard as I can to be consistently nice and to take a positive tone. Why? A few good reasons come to mind, and I think it is pretty easy for me to outline them.
First, it seems that no matter how miserable someone is, no matter how ungrateful they may be for what they have, over the long haul if I treat them nicely they do eventually tend to come around and at least not be at their very worst. Sometimes, they are actually purposely nice back to me when they are not very nice to others that they deal with. I guess I am a believer that you get the vibes back that you put out there if you are consistent in doing it and people believe that you truly are a nice person. Good, positive feelings swirl around if they are genuine and deep rooted. You may dislike how a person behaves, but if you can find even a few positives about that person to focus on, it helps you to interact with them in a kind, positive manner.
Second, the nicer you are the more fun your work and play will be. The hours that you spend in positive interaction go by more quickly and more pleasantly. The world is just better. I didn't always come at life in the same way that I have in recent years, and I have found that since I really began to work on my interactions with others, every aspect of my life has improved. This isn't just lip-service, it is fact. You will just have to trust me on that one.
So how does a person become nicer?
Good question... number one, you might just try to appreciate all that you should be happy about. Just think about all that you have. Be grateful. Maybe you concentrate too much on what is wrong about your life rather than what is right. OK, maybe you don't have much money to spend and you are being driven crazy by your parents who, from your viewpoint, have too many rules... but maybe you have a great dog who greets you every day and a new pair of flip-flops that you really like. There is always something, no matter how small, to be happy about in every new day. Find it and relish it.
A second way to become nicer is to practice the skill of saying something nice to someone else. For example, your neighbor might have a freshly mowed lawn and they are standing outside in their yard getting the mail from the mailbox. You could tell them how great their yard is looking. They will feel great about it, and they might feel more motivated to keep their lawn looking great all the time because someone noticed. (Bonus!) Maybe your mom makes a meal that is really delicious... tell her how great it is when she cooks for you and how it makes you enjoy being at home. She might feel like cooking for you more often! Maybe dad comes out and fixes your car when it breaks down. Telling him how much you appreciate how well he maintains the cars might make him feel like people actually notice all of the mundane tasks that dads keep up with, and he will want to be sure that everything is good working order all of the time. People respond to gratitude expressed. A thanks for a raise might make your boss understand that you needed the raise and it made your life better. That makes him/her want to help you more often. Unexpressed gratitude is the same as no gratitude. One must hear the words to understand that it (gratitude) exists.
Another way to be nicer is to STOP being so judgmental. No one wants to be judged or called names. Even if they don't hear it directly, but just hear about you judging them behind their backs, resentments will build.
Encouraging the people you feel you need to be nicer to could help. Maybe your co-worker does everything wrong.
Except one thing. Find that one positive and then find a way to compliment them and encourage that one good behavior. For example, you may know someone at work who is messy, who is mean-spirited and who is rather lazy. It doesn't seem like there is much there to encourage. However you have noted that they are good in math and rarely make an error in calculating - then say, "Wow, if I could only be as accurate as you are it would certainly help me be more efficient." Criticizing them for their bad characteristics will not help. They will only get worse if you constantly berate them for what they do not do well. Concentrate on what is going right to get them to like you, want to please you, and listen to you.
Taking a look at things through the eyes of others can often help you to understand them more clearly. It is easier to understanding and to be nicer if you really do clearly know what that person feels like. Empathy can help you to feel closer and to want to become more friendly to others. Maybe the person is doing as well as they can in their particular current situation. You shouldn't overlook that possibility.
Just being polite can make you a nicer person. Wave the driver in the other lane over in front of you or offer your seat to someone who walks into the room. Try to be thoughtful, even if it is going to cause you to have less comfort or status. Being nice does involve not always putting yourself ahead of others.
Another way to behave more nicely is to not keep others waiting or to inconvenience others. Just calling someone if you are running late or reminding someone if you need them to stay late at work one day to help you - not making assumptions that they will "just deal with it."
Thinking about how good you feel when you are nice to people will make you want to do it more often. Staying in a good frame of mind is really important. Refusing to gossip and not being drawn into conflict is good. I have learned to walk away if I feel a negative situation is brewing. I don't like to argue, and I try not to do it. I like to find positive ways to spend my time and energy, and though I know that it is inevitable to have some conflict from time to time, I try not to let it happen often. I try to resolve any conflicts that I find myself involved in as quickly as possible for the sake of both myself and whoever is the other party. I also try as hard as I can to be kind to myself - I do things that make me happy. That tends to spill over into my attitude and makes me want to be nicer to others to mirror for them how I am feeling.
Try some of these things, especially if you feel bitter or negative a lot of the time. If a lot of your conversation is peppered with things negative contractions (can't, won't, shouldn't, haven't, wouldn't) try the converse. Instead of saying "well I wouldn't _______ if I were you" try saying something more like "you are so good at __________ that I would definitely do that." It's absolutely possible to communicate in a positive tone rather than a negative one and to get exactly the same things accomplished. Not only that, but people will talk about how much they enjoy being around you and how nice you are!
Just be nicer.
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