Tick tock...

"Sometimes I feel that life is passing me by, not slowly either, but with ropes of steam and spark-spattered wheels and a hoarse roar of power or terror. It's passing, yet I'm the one who's doing all the moving." ~Martin Amis

Time.

It seems like time is always an issue. I just spent almost an hour of a gorgeous Saturday morning sitting at my kitchen table planning my week's menu so I can spend another hour (or so) at the grocery store getting fresh food for the next three days of eating for two people. It is only recently that I am an empty nester, so actually I am buying less groceries than I am used to. No more cookies or chips for the kids. We are eating healthy with Jorge. (See http://jorgecruise.com/ ) Still, it seems that I never have quite enough time to "get it all done." Only recently have I begun to ask myself "what's the hurry?"

"The hours of a wise man are lengthened by his ideas, as those of a fool are by his passions. The time of the one is long, because he does not know what to do with it; so is that of the other, because he distinguishes every moment of it with useful or amusing thoughts--or, in other words, because the one is always wishing it away, and the other always enjoying it." -Joseph Addison

It seems like I have begun to understand the solitude and appreciate the quiet. I know that I am teaching myself to question the need to always be hurrying from one task to the next. I refuse to feel guilty if I sit for hours and read a long neglected book. I am learning to appreciate thoughts that flitter inside my head, until recently shelved in favor of the needs of others. I guess that is what this phase of life is about. A nice side effect of this is a reacquaintance with my own priorities instead of always the external needs that press upon me - I am important too, and it is critical that I be allowed to believe that my needs matter just as much as anyone else's do. (Wow, I had really lost sight of that recently.)

I have put aside a lot of things that are important to me in favor of thinking about what is important for my kids over the course of the past quarter century. I feel that my life choices since then have always been influenced by "what is best for the kids." I have spent so many years thinking of myself primarily as a mom that now I am reclaiming my ability to think of myself as myself. I will always be a mom, but I am not so much in "mom mode" anymore. My job is done, my kids are grown up.

Time is not going to get away from me this weekend. I am going to cherish it and, finally, I am going to pass it in the ways that I have set as my own priorities. I love to write. I have spent the morning doing that. I had set that pursuit aside for many years as I felt that it drained some of the energy that I needed to just cope with the kids, work, and daily life.

Get ready world, I am ready to write again!