What do you do to "just get along"?

One thing I have noticed in the dozen or so years that I have spent in education, and in the previous 20 years of my professional career, is that people don't always agree. Nor do they always get along well with each other. Sometimes there are valid reasons for this, and other times... there are not.

I wanted to reflect on the times that there is not really a reason that you can pinpoint, but you just decide that you "don't like someone." How to get past this problem? Most adults have the ability to allow individuals to be who they are and to learn to accept them even if they don't particularly like them. This is sometimes harder for younger people who are not as practiced at it. I notice that as we work in groups more and more in the spring semester, this topic comes up in discussions with some students from time to time.            
Let's see if I can advise.

I’ve been asked many times by people I have known for a long time, "how do I get along with someone I don't particularly care for?" Usually we’re talking about in the workplace – and in more recent years, it crops up in relation to school. I try to explain that everyone isn't going to be your best friend, but if you’re forced to deal with a person, why not make the relationship more personal and real? Better relationships make for a much better day and more enjoyment of your daily routines. It is great to have as few poor relationships as possible, and best of all to have no one that you have to try to avoid because you just can't "get along."

I think everyone has to think about this. I know I have to ask myself to "stretch" in my dealings with certain people in life and see if I can find their more redemptive qualities. Sometimes in a comfortable grouping of people, someone new is introduced to the group. It may seem that this person just doesn't "fit in" and it is very important to begin analysis right at that point. Is this a situation for which there is an explanation? If an individual seems to be difficult, to be untruthful, or to have a side to them that is just unappealing to me for any number of other reasons, I have to assume that this could be a somewhat insecure person who may feel threatened by others and is pushing people away so he won’t be hurt himself.

So how do you deal with that? It might be wise to do the opposite of what you initially may want to do. So if your reaction is to push back and be defensive, try to be positive and very affirming. When you’re confronted with difficult individuals, your job is to create a safe space for them as best you can because they’re just looking for safety and comfort in their lives.

One author I read says that if you are disturbed by someone's behavior, it might just be due to the fact that you own some of that disturbing behavior yourself. Try this: the next time someone makes you feel uncomfortable or upset, ask if you have any of the same problems that they do, if even to a much smaller degree. Maybe the real thing you are upset by is your reflection in that person's crystal clear mirror.

(Image copyright www.nataliedee.com )

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